#10 Lack of Appreciation: Wives feeling unacknowledged or unappreciated for their efforts and contributions.

Guys, do this. We delete, we forget.

Hack: As a family, work on appreciation over expectation or obligation.

My wife, me?

I say thanks to her when she does the dishes, but guess what? She says, thanks to me when I do the dishes and we don't care how the dishes get loaded in the dishwasher.

All we care about is clean dishes. We want the results more than the credit.

I was a fully functioning adult before I met her. I was perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, sewing, minor home repair, electrical work, like I'm fully functioning adult before I met my wife.

I don't need her to do anything for me, so when she does, I appreciate it.

“Hey babe, thanks for handling that. That was really helpful. Oh, you already took care of that. That's awesome. Yay Team!” *smack her in the ass* *give her a hug* *give her a kiss*

And she does the same thing for me when I do things for her.

She says, “thank you.” She calls them out consciously.

And guess what that does for our kids?

It helps them to do the same thing. To consciously call stuff out and go, “Hey, thank you. That meant a lot. Hey, that was really helpful. Hey, that was really valuable to me.”

When we tell the other person how they win with you - I call that scoring points, right?

When I lay out a game(which is the third part of part one in Your Best Child Ever: Is This Game Worth Winning, that you should have as a digital download AND as a signed paperback as part of the hack-pack)

When I lay out the parameters of the game: the boundaries, the rules, the way you score points is all about how they win with you.

If they know how to win, and get rewarded for winning, they'll do it more often.

The more you can get OUT of expectation, obligation… away from things like, “Well, you're my husband. You should…” or “You're my wife. You have to…”

That’s not reality, that’s just a person’s rules.

How do you feel when somebody just expects you to do X, Y, Z, and you get no acknowledgement, no gratitude, no appreciation, no validation.

When they do it to you, it feels like crap, right?

So every single day, my wife and I, my kids and I, my I and my kids, all the rest, right? We're all consciously looking for ways to light each other up to acknowledge what we're doing with each other, for each other, to each other.

“Hey, that meant a lot. Hey, that was really helpful. Hey, I'm really proud of you.”

The more you verbalize that stuff, the more you're consciously awarding points, the better for everyone!

We'll even tell the kids, that's worth 10,000 points. I mean points expire at midnight, or the next dumb thing you say, or do. But we put it aside - it's not about accumulating points, but it's understanding:

Give those points.

"It would mean so much to me.""Oh my God, that was so awesome.""Thank you, that was so helpful."

The more you call that stuff out, the easier it is to get that stuff done because they're winning with you.

Versus “Well, they should know. I'm grateful. They should know.”

How are they gonna know…? They're not a mind reader!

Tell them, because life is short.

If you, if you went to bed tonight and you woke up and your partner was gone, would they feel appreciated? Would they feel loved? Would they feel wanted every day of their life?

Because I make damn sure my wife and my kids know that, that if I shuffle off this mortal coil tonight:

Daddy loved me.
Jeremy loved me.
He worshiped the ground I walked on.

I make sure they feel that as much as I possibly can, but guess what?

My wife does the same for me.

She lets me win. She lets me know how what I did meant something to her, and she can say:

“I'm not happy with this, but I love you and I love how you do this and this. This part needs to be fixed. I need you to do better. “

And that motivates me to want to do better.

We don't withhold love from each other. Even if we're mad, we say it.

“I'm mad at you. I don't like you right now, but I'm not gonna withhold love from you. But I'm not okay with this. This needs to be different.”

You can call that out. You can build that covenant with each other.

My wife and I only have two rules:

Stay out of the friend zone.
Be honest.

And if either one of us feels like we're being pushed into the friend zone, it's time to be honest. “What's going on? Why are you, why are you distant from me? What's happening? What's weighing on you? What's hurt you?”

Because then we can apologize.

We can take ownership.

We can make corrective action.

So, The goal of all of this, how to hack your husband, playfulness, co-creativeness, verbalize what you need. That's why we go back and make sure you check out the five to thrive.

That's why I did the five to Thrive, is to lay out, here's how to say what I need, what I want, what I love to give and love to receive my must and my must-nevers.

Have that stuff written down.

Know what it means.

Understand how to spotlight this whole thing.

This whole hack pack bundle is designed to work together.

To create an unstoppable onslaught of fricking amazingness in your family. No fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame, no wounds. Ownership, responsibility, the ability to choose your response, the ability to define your meaning.

I'm really excited about this thing and I really want this to become a cornerstone for families to play the game of love and life at a whole new level.

Husbands, wives show up to love because you raise the standard for your kids and you change the world. One family at a time.

And that is the coolest thing so I want stack in as much value as I can to this thing, it's, it's such a small investment and such a huge response, such a huge impact. Take this stuff to heart.

Share this for your kids as they become teenagers. They can read this for themselves. This is how we change the world by changing the standards. We don't need pain to grow. There's other ways to grow.

We can evolve instead of revolt from the pain, we can evolve past the gaps. We can realize our mental capacity is not equal to the life condition that we're in. And then we can expand our mental capacity, expand our story, we can play better games, and everyone gets to win.

Everyone gets to feel warm, big, and happy.

And we finish with the Transition Ritual. This will help your husband to show up present, playful, and powerful for you and the family after work

Lack of Appreciation

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