Transition Ritual

How to Have a King at HomePresent, Playful, and Powerful

Or, The Masculine Guide to Coming Home Like a King

In the “manosphere” there’s a LOT of talk, podcasts, videos, conversation around how to start your day. The morning routine. Priming. Getting the day started on YOUR terms. 5am wake up, 430a get more done in 3 hours than the entire day.

And I’m not here to knock any of that.

However, there is a CRITICAL moment that is often left OUT of this conversation:

What happens when you get home from work?

It’s not given enough time and attention and we’re going to fix that, right now.

Handled well, your homecoming and the rest of your evening can be magical.

Handled badly, when you get home is a cluster-fudge of

Pressure
Production
Hurt feelings
Miscommunication, and THEN
The kids are in bed, leaving you and your wife to figure out how to get your needs met before bedtime.

Done badly, you end up feeling ignored, rushed, angry, hurt, and at the end of the night, you’re left feeling used and abused, twisted and confused.

So, first – let’s frame out what’s happening in the typical family, and then put a solid plan in place to create something magical and sustainable for you and your family, something to bring out your best, and their best – quickly, easily, and reliably.

There are 2 things happening when you get home:

First – there’s what’s happening to you.

You’ve been at work and operating in your masculine – at a job site, or virtually in another part of the house. And, during that time, you’ve been dialed into “’work mode” – you’re keyed into PRODUCING A RESULT! Feelings don’t matter much, get the result. Deliverables. Calls. Emails. Schedules. Logistics. It’s a battle that you’re in, and you have to wear your mental and emotional armor to get work stuff done.

And then, it’s time to head home. And you’re not really certain how things are going at home – is everyone happy? Productive? Was their day good? So there’s some tension on your part.

Deep breath, walk into the house.

And you’re hit with… something, anything.

Maybe you get greeted, acknowledged, maybe you get assigned a task, or the kids are foisted on you and your wife goes to unplug (if she’s been home all day with the kids), or she needs or wants or schedules to keep, places to go, whatever the case.

And, you’re still in “work mode” so now you’re PRODUCING A RESULT. We’re HAVING DINNER! We’re DOING THE DISHES! We’re HAPPY ABOUT IT!

And you’re this force of nature, with little-to-no patience, you’ve got plans to deliver your results and your “team members” (aka wife and children) are getting in the way. You didn’t tell them how they should follow or act, but they should just know to follow your lead, right?

And the pressure doesn’t let up. All night. It’s stuck, locked into production, “’work mode” – and it’s just painful.

Painful for you…

Why am I being so tense? Why am I rushing? Why can’t I slow down? I didn’t mean to yell, just put the damn cap before you leave the bathroom, turn off the light – how many times do I have to tell you?!?!

And, it’s painful for them…

Why is daddy so mad at me?Why is daddy always in a rush? Why can’t daddy slow down and listen to me? Why is my husband always in a rush? Does he even want to be here? Does he even like us?

Breathe.

Soften the tension in your neck, and in the pit of your stomach.

I only know this is the case, because I’ve been there too.

Breathe.

Second – there’s what’s happening for your wife, the feminine side.

Now, this is assuming she’s mostly driving the household – and living in her feminine. If she’s working outside the home, or operating a lot in her masculine, she’s going to often get locked in the masculine perspective I listed above. But – for her:

She’s been home with the kids – she’s got a perfect person inside her judging EVERYTHING she’s doing…

a better wife would… a better mom would… a better housewife would… the mom my family deserves would… the house is a mess… I’m not being nice enough… I’m not talking softly enough… why aren’t the kids listening, do they even care about how I feel…and the litany just goes and goes.

Feminine, in scarcity or fatigue lives in judgment, criticism, withholding.

It’s not the full measure of the woman she is, but it’s like the law of momentum is running her life:

when you’re winning, nothing hurts; when you’re losing everything hurts.

She’s got a plan for the day, and it went sideways, and she’s counting down the hours until you’re home so she has a teammate, an adult to talk to!

So when you walk in the door, she pounces on you – she’s got a list, and you’re finally here and you can help out, and we’ll be a team and it will all be better. And then you don’t act appropriately – you don’t follow her script and the evening ends up being a set of stress and hurt feelings.

And it doesn’t have to be this way.

A few tweaks to the process, and when you come home, it’s like the King has returned to the castle!

The tweak is this: you need a TRANSITION RITUAL to help you shift from “’work mode” to “home mode.”

This is CRITICAL for you when you get home so you don’t show up in “work mode” with a tendency to bark out orders, problem solve, and run rough-shod over anyone and everyone when you walk in the door.

This also prevents you from feeling like you’re just being dumped with the family, kids, and crisis before you’ve even had a chance to take off your shoes or set down your keys.

Secondly, if you transition from work to home smoothly, it’s better for you, your wife or significant other, and your kids to have a fun, playful evening of connection and strengthening a solid family relationship.

With a well implemented Transition Ritual, you can be Present, Playful, and Powerful. What does that mean?

Present at home

You need to be here, be now, at home.

No future plans, no deliverables, and no work.

Turn off your phone or put it away if at all possible.

Breathe into any tension and Let. It. Go.

Your family needs you, all of you to show up with them.

If you want the best from them, be sure you give your best to them.

You set the standard as leader, king, role model of all things powerful, dynamic and creative.

Playful in Spirit

Now it the time to bring that creative energy with you and listen with an open heart to your wife and children.

Share your insight, help them see the best parts of themselves.

As you show up present and powerful and playful, the “slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune” just don’t seem to land as hard anymore.

As you laugh, play, engage with your wife and kids.

With presence and power at home, you’ll feel bulletproof and life becomes a game you can win. And you teach your family to win, too.

Powerful in Demeaner

The fact you are home pushes pressure out of you into your family.

Your wife, your kids, even your pets respond to your presence, or lack thereof.

When you are fully present and engaged, asking questions, feeding back what you hear, encouraging, validating, supporting - it’s transformative in your family.

When you’re tuned out, turned off, distracted… that ALSO makes a huge impact, too.

It creates a hole - they feel like they are not good enough for you, or they are too much so you run and hide.

Use your power for awesome, my friend!

HOW to have a Transition Ritual

So, this is all well and good – how ya gonna get there? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Here’s the sequence – and, you will want to talk this over with your family, give it a go for one work-week, 5 days and see how it “lands” for everyone.

Done well, it should take about 20 minutes to shift from “work mode” to “home mode” and then you’re off to the races!

Ending Your Day Strong

Greetings: Walk in the door, greet your wife first, then the kids“Hey babe, I’m so happy to be home with you and the kids. Can’t wait to give you my 100% undivided attention in just a few minutes. Let me wash away the day and I’m all yours!”“Hey kid(s), so great to see you – just a few minutes to shift gears and it’s GO time for our evening!”
Get a shower: 10-15 minutes to literally wash the day away.
Change into clean clothes and enter “home mode” mindset - present, playful, screens off.
Seek out your wife, connect with her, no kids. Hug her, feel her tension soften. Breathe into her, let her unload her day, you just listen (no problem solving)“Hey, honey - ready, willing and able to connect. How was your day?”(invisible duct tape on your mouth and just listen, understand what she’s thinking, feeling, noticing, and/or has been carrying around in her head or heart today)… and what else(allow her to vent/unpack whatever she needs to share with you until she feels seen, heard, felt, understood, appreciated – the six golden tickets)Feed back what you’re hearing, be curious but not interrogating.It’s important to her that you feel what she’s feeling, that she feels you are connected to her world.
You’re on point with the family while Mom gets some “down time” to decompress(See: Bluey episode “Sheepdog” and you’ll know what ‘mom needs 20 minutes’ means)“Alright, thank you for sharing and bringing me up to speed, Babe. I’ve got it from here if you’d like to take some time to hit the pause button, recharge a bit. I’ll keep everyone alive and the evening moving forward.”
Mealtime - teaching manners, protocol, sharing, gratitude for the day, spotlight each family member, thank whoever cooked dinner, clean up dishes and kitchen as a teamKids can contribute based on their age – dishes or silverware to the sink, rinse and load the dishwasher, wipe down flat surfaces, put away food, set dishwasher to run but don’t start until bedtime.
Connection 1:1 or family time, reading, decompressing, winding down for bedtime.
10-minute power clean/tidy as a familyEveryone can pitch in and be helpful, put music on, make a game about it.
Kids to go bedBrush teeth,Stories,Snuggles,Praise and spotlight good/helpful behavior.Tell your kids what they did right, what you’re proud of them for, that you love them.
Connection time and 1:1 time with wifeUpdate her on your thoughts and feelings, ideas about future plans.Touch base on schedule for the next day, week, month, quarter. Make sure important dates – and reminders – are in your calendar app.Giving her a map of the future that you see together with her gives her room to love into your future, sharing it together.
Secure the house and prepare for tomorrowSet out clothes for tomorrow, prep for your morning routinePray, put 5 to 10 minutes into gratitude: What are you proud of, grateful for, today? How did you grow today? Where did you contribute today? What was magical, today?Set alarm for tomorrow, lights out
And DONE!

Think how your life would feel if this was how you ended every single day with your family…

Now, you have a clear-cut set of steps to follow for an AMAZING evening with your family.

Again, give this a go for a workweek and see how it goes.

Combined with the Five to Thrive, you and your wife can create an evening routine that

Enlivens you both,

Brings love, acknowledgement, and validation to your kids, and

Leaves you feeling solid as a husband and man.

And, definitely, leave me your feedback on how this process went for you, areas of easy implementation and areas of challenge or friction. Your feedback helps me make this better – feedback is the breakfast of champions!

You can always message me on Facebook – that’s just about the fastest way to reach me.

Sincerely

Jeremy Roadruck

And if this adds value to your life, brings more love and light, presence and playfulness into your world, please tell other guys, other families about this guide.

Let them know about The Ultimate Husband and Child Hack Pack – it just might transform their lives, and improve their marriage.

Send them to https://www.LeadLikeAKing.com/Hack-Pack and they can get the entire program.

Transition Ritual

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